so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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