Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
