My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
