Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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