Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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