I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
