This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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