I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
