I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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