I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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