I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
