I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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