A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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