I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This baby is an asshole
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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