It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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