i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
