Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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