I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
