I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
