Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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