"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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