so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
