It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
