seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
