please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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