How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
