hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
