so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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