She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
