I cockslap morals
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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