Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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