why didn't you poke me back
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He passed out mid-signature
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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