oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
