what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
