Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
