I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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