He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
