Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize