possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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