So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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