dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
