they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
