One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
