do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
