Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
