Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
