Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
