some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
