I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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