The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
