how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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