I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
