i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
