Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
