I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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