So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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