Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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