There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
