see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
