Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
