Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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