so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
