from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
