Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
