I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
