You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
