I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
