There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
