just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
