Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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