rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
