i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
