it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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