looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
