Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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