i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
