Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid